As America’s bureaucratic swamp faces an unprecedented shake-up, one name is causing waves across Washington: Edward “BIG BALLS” Coristine. At just 19, this coding prodigy has already left a significant mark on the federal government, working his way into agencies and securing a senior adviser role at the State Department’s Bureau of Diplomatic Technology. His meteoric rise has sparked a frenzy in the media, especially from left-wing outlets desperate to tear him down.
New York Magazine detailed the origins of Coristine’s infamous nickname:
“Edward Coristine got his nickname by accident. In math class during his junior year at Rye Country Day School, students were passing notes and, ‘when it got to him, he drew a phallic object and wrote BIG BALLS on it,’ according to a current upperclassman. ‘Then a math teacher took it out of his hands and read it out loud to the class. Then I guess he embraced it because he changed his LinkedIn name to that.'”
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“Angad Sethi, one of Coristine’s best friends from high school, says, ‘To him, it was sort of talking about having big balls, being a risk-taker. That’s who he is. It was a joke, but it does have a meaning.'”
But Coristine is more than just a meme; he’s at the heart of a movement backed by Elon Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), an initiative that has already rattled the foundations of Washington. In record time, this group has shut down the U.S. Agency for International Development, accessed sensitive American data, and begun a sweeping purge of federal employees. Coristine, with his signature broccoli perm and intense stare, has been everywhere, demanding accountability from government workers and investigating AI-driven automation to replace bureaucratic dead weight.
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