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In his writings, penned in Cyrillic, Westman confessed, “I only keep [the long hair] because it is pretty much my last shred of being trans. I am tired of being trans, I wish I never brain-washed myself.”
The shooter admitted he kept his long hair not out of pride, but out of fear that cutting it would expose his mental collapse: “I can’t cut my hair now as it would be an embarrassing defeat, and it might be a concerning change of character that could get me reported. It just always gets in my way. I will probably chop it on the day of the attack.”
In another section of the manifesto, Westman acknowledged his disillusionment with transitioning. “I regret being trans. I wish I was a girl I just know I cannot achieve that body with the technology we have today. I also can’t afford that.”
The rampage at Assumption Church was nothing short of nightmarish. Witnesses describe chaos erupting as Westman opened fire on children attending the school Mass. Students from the Catholic elementary school next door were caught in the gunfire.
One fifth grader shared a haunting account, recalling how he survived by hiding under the lifeless body of a classmate. He pretended to be dead as Westman roamed the pews, hunting for more victims. The horror etched into the testimonies of these young children is nearly unimaginable.
Court filings show that Westman’s official name change was approved in January 2020 after his mother supported the petition. Documents stated he “identifies as a female and wants her name to reflect that identification.” Yet, five years later, Westman’s writings reveal a person consumed with regret and inner conflict.
“I don’t want to dress girly all the time but I guess sometimes I really like it. I know I am not a woman but I definitely don’t feel like a man,” he admitted in one entry, highlighting the deep confusion that haunted him until his final moments.
Perhaps the most chilling portion of the manifesto was not his identity struggles, but his openly stated desire to be remembered as a villain. He fantasized about being seen as a “scary horrible monster standing over those powerless kids.”
The tragic outcome at Assumption Church has left an entire community shaken and mourning. But the manifesto reveals another layer to this horror—a broken young man, tormented by regret over his gender transition, who ultimately chose to unleash that pain on innocent children.
